Bookworm and the Blonde
by copyright
Summary: It is 7th year of Hogwarts and just when you thought cliche's couldn't get any worse, I started writing this. Dramione goodness in less than 3000 words.
1. Chapter 1

Now you can be the author of your very own Dramione cliché! Just pick the appropriate word or phrase where necessary and continue on your merry way.

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It was a glorious sunny day and Hermione stood on platform 9 ¾ surveying the students bustling around for the very last time. It was her seventh year and had a nice, shiny Head Girl badge pinned to her robes. Hermione had grown during the holidays and had change dramatically thanks to:

a) Ginny Weasley

b) Lavender Brown and Parvarti Patil or

c) Some random cousin who you will not hear of again but was shoehorned in to give Hermione a reason to suddenly be gorgeous

Instead of a wild mass of hair that closely resembled road kill, her hair was now:

a) Shiny and straight with blonde streaks OR

b) Perfectly curled framing her face in the way that we all know is never going to happen (if you have met anyone with this kind of hair, please let me know).

Hermione had also suddenly developed curves in all the right places and legs a mile long. She was wearing:

a) A mini skirt and cute little tank top with a slogan on it. Something along the lines of "Love O.C"

b) Camouflage pants with a white, stretch tank top and black nail polish

c) Tight, black, low riding jeans and a red sweater (the originality is overwhelming)

Suddenly she turns around and Harry and Ron bound up to her and start:

a) Telling Hermione how great she looks

b) Asking how Hermione got her hair so great OR

c) Telling Hermione how great she looks (like boys ever really notice)

The Golden Trio / Super Three make there way to the an empty carriage and put down their trunks only be joined by Ginny Weasley, Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood (who is obviously their new best friend, just incase people we're wondering).

After 5 / 10 / 15 minutes, Hermione gets up and leaves for her meeting with:

a) Dumbledore

b) McGonagall

c) Some random teacher…

…to find out all about her new duties as head girl. Hermione makes her way to the compartment and opens it only to find Draco Malfoy sitting down in one of the seats. The conversation goes as such:

H: (small scream) What are you doing here?

D: Well obviously I'm head boy but I'm sure that might be hard for you to understand. What, with your fussy hair (which is now sleek) blocking brain cells

H: This can't be happening

D: Oh but it is. After all I do have a filthy rich father / the second best grades in the school

H: This year is going to be hell

At this point the teacher you picked earlier on arrives in the carriage and speaks to them about their new head duties. After the teacher has left, the two stare at each other. It is now that Hermione realises that Draco Malfoy has suddenly turned into some sort of sex god. He now has:

a) A chiselled face

b) Sleek radioactive hair that is completely gel free

c) Swirling blue (but should be grey) eyes

d) A lean, muscular body as a result of quidditch (I never understood how this worked, all these guys do is sit on a broomstick. So this develops muscles how…?).

e) All of the above

Draco Malfoy also notices Hermione's new appearance. When they both realise they have been fantasising about the other, they mentally scold themselves and Hermione leaves to find her friends and Malfoy looks for his minions.

Once uneventful train trip later and everyone is in the Great Hall watching the sorting. The sorting hat has given some deep and meaningful message while Ron dribbles over his plate waiting for food. A new DADA teacher is introduced and will either:

a) Never reappear again

b) Bring love to Snape's life or

c) Meddle with student affairs and become some sort of counsellor for any 'boy problems' the girls might have

After dinner, Hermione and Draco are led to a dormitory that they will be required to share. As they view their surroundings they realise the common room is either:

a) Red and silver

b) Green and gold or

c) Green, red, silver and gold

Hermione is in silent awe (this is obviously before she discovers the shared bathroom). Malfoy looks at her, raises an eyebrow and smirks before leaving for his room.

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C'mon people, I know you're reading this – you've come this far, why not review? If you liked it, loved it, thought it was a load of crap some deranged madman came up with…let me know.

And if you're going to flame, at least make your sentences coherent.


	2. Chapter 2

One week passes and pretty much nothing happens between our two favourite characters except a few snide remarks and a lot of 'meaningful' glances. Then one fateful day:

a) Draco suddenly sucks at Arthimancy and needs Hermione to help

b) Draco and Hermione are stuck doing an Ancient Runes assignment together or

c) Snape puts Hermione under Draco's guidance for potions just out of pure sadism

On the first night, Hermione runs back to the common room to tell Ron, Harry and Ginny all about big bad Malfoy while Harry and Ron:

a) Complete Divination homework

b) Play chess

c) Play exploding Snap

d) Play gobstones

e) Throw darts at a picture of Snape's head

Meanwhile, Ginny paints her nails / reads Witches Weekly or some other teen magazine with a preppy name like "Ban-she" or "Teen Witch".

After hearing about Hermione's unfortunate situation, Harry and Ron:

a) Threaten to bash up Draco Malfoy

b) Threaten to break Malfoy's 'pretty little nose' or

c) Threaten to feed Malfoy to the giant squid

Then Ginny pipes into the conversation after being dragged away from her article "How to Lose a Wizard in 9 days", and happens to mention that Hermione is actually lucky because suddenly all the girls at Hogwarts are driven wild by Malfoy's gel-less hair. Go figure.

As Hermione returns to the common room that night, she contemplates the statement Ginny made about Malfoy and as she walks in on him in the common room with light from the fire flickering on his face giving him a ethereal glow, Hermione decides to have a crush on him but remain in denial for the majority of the story.


	3. Chapter 3

A few weeks later and Draco is finally coming to terms with his love for Hermione. No one is sure why he had developed these feelings and quite honestly, no-one cares, as long as they are there.

Then suddenly, one day Dumbledore (who has been resurrected from the dead for the purposes of this story) announces:

a) A Christmas ball

b) A Yule Ball (that ONLY comes with a triwizard tournament but we will make an exception this year) or

c) Some other gay, stupid, random and pointless event that was put in just so Hermione can get dressed up and look like sex-on-legs

A weekend before the ball (which is now a masquerade), Hermione goes shopping with Pavarti / Lavender / Ginny or all three just for the hell of it. Hermione finds some gorgeous dress and shoes and even little earrings that match perfectly, before she meets up with the boys at the Three Broomsticks for butterbeer (sorry for not putting in any choices here but the beverage is ALWAYS butterbeer).

A week later is the ball and Hermione gets ready with the help of Pavarti / Lavender / Ginny ONCE MORE because she is incapable of putting on a dress by herself. When she steps out of her room, Draco is waiting for her because he just always is. There is no specific reason as to why he is waiting (he could very well be stalking her) but Hermione just smiles / giggles when she sees Draco staring at her (I would actually be a little freaked out by this).

The author then goes into a very detailed account of how Hermione looks from the diamond studded dress to the sapphire studded shoes to the ruby studded earrings and the little diamonds encompassing her head. It is at this point we FINALLY figure out the author is a girl with very little to do with her time.

If the is the author is really enthusiastic, she will continue to rant on about how sexy Draco looks and keeps making reference to his non-gelled hair and his blue-supposed-to-be-grey eyes.

The ball seems to go in a flurry and soon Hermione finds herself in a garden we didn't even know existed, off the side of the Great Hall. If the author gives a description about Draco then odds are they will now describe the garden and how little fairies are frolicking around in tutus with little magic lanterns in hand. Draco then follows here (very stalker-like if you ask me) and sits beside her on some cosy little love bench. _Convenient how this objects just pop up – that is truly the magic of Hogwarts_.

After staring at the stars for a good while, Draco and Hermione have a heart to heart and we discover that Draco does not really want to be a Death Eater.

insert dodgy cliff hanger here


	4. Chapter 4

We pick up this story right where we left off.

Hermione and Draco are still gazing at each other, when suddenly hormones rage out of control. The two run towards their dormitory and start a night of hot, wild, passionate and usually kinky sex. Chances are there will be a detailed description of everything that they do, even if the author is some 13 year old virgin (not that there's anything wrong with that).


	5. Chapter 5

A chapter later and the pair still seem to be going at it.

* * *

Sorry folks…but they are still going.

* * *

Nope, not finished yet.

* * *

Almost, but not quite.

* * *

Climax has finally been reached, and the two just 'bathe' in the after glow. Whatever the f... that's supposed to be… 


	6. Chapter 6

Now somehow during the middle of the night, Luicus Malfoy escapes Azkaban and wants to entertain homicidal urges. He magically flies to Hogwarts (and I use the term 'magically' very loosely) and attempts to kill Hermione and torture Draco. Draco confesses his undying love for Hermione, and vice versa, blah blah blah…

Draco tries to protect Hermione while she tries to escape to get help from Dumbledore reincarnate. But while she is gone, Lord Val-u-mart, I mean 'Voldermort', invades Hogwarts with a swarm of death eaters, trolls, giant elephants etc (you name it, Val-u-mart's got it).

A bloody battle ensues and both sides gain a huge number of casualties. However, Harry Potter fulfils the prophecy and 'destroys' Val-u-mart. Then Draco, who has been severely injured by his father, lies dying on the ground. For happy ending, see A. For alternate happy ending, see B.

* * *

**A:** As Draco stares up at Hermione, who is now at his side stroking his gel-les hair, he confesses his undying love for her (again…think Titanic Jack/Rose in freezing water moment). Draco then passes out and Hermione cries on him. Fortunately her tears are magical and help Draco to recover fully. They then have 15 babies, move to a farm in the US and live till a ripe old age where they pass away in each others arms. Go figure.

* * *

**B:** As Draco stares up at Hermione, his breath ragged, he confesses his undying love. Hermione is saddened greatly and then cries on him. In this story, however, Hermione's tears are NOT magical and Draco does, in fact, die. Yay.

Then the author concludes with some random extract from a book / play. Most likely Romeo and Juliet.

For never was there a story of more woe, then that of Hermione and her Drac-o…


	7. Another alternate ending

ANOTHER ALTERNATE ENDING.

Continue from chapter 3…

* * *

Draco and Hermione are still staring at each other / 'snogging' each other senseless / gazing at the stars while holding hands…but odds are they are snogging each other senseless. Ron conveniently comes out into the garden and a vein in his forehead starts throbbing (for all the clueless people out there, Ron has a crush on Hermione even though no-one knew about it till now).

Ron then decides to go on a homicidal rampage…forget the Dark Lord and Lucius, Ron with a fork is more deadly than Val-u-mart with a bazooka. Ron stabs Draco in the leg with a fork and then runs to Harry because everyone seems to want to run to Harry. Meanwhile, Draco is bleeding to death with the fork still protruding from his leg. Hermione starts crying profusely and confesses her undying love for Draco.

Suddenly, Harry and Ron return with a whole swarm of Hogwarts students that we never heard anything about until now. They engage with a fierce battle amongst each other:

a) Slytherin against Gryffindor

b) Slytherin against Ravenclaw

c) Slytherin against Hufflepuff

d) Everyone against Slytherin (we all know who will win this battle, don't we?)

After 15 to 20 minutes of bloody battling, Slytherin lose (didn't see that one coming) and Draco is still bleeding to death.

Hermione surveys her surroundings and notices that Dumbledore is dead (although we have no idea when he came outside in the first place), half the students are dead and Val-u-mart is dead (Harry, once again, has saved the day).

Another 15 to 20 minutes later and Draco is still dying. It isn't till Ron suddenly reappears with a spoon and stabs Draco in the arm that Draco FINALLY dies.

Hermione has this whole emotional break down about how she can't live without her treasured one / beloved / soul mate / cuddle cakes (take your pick, they're all equally disgusting).

Dumbledore (who is suddenly back from the dead – AGAIN) places a wrinkled hand on Hermione's shoulder, and tells her to get over it. Strong words from an eccentric man who technically should be dead (twice).

Hermione takes Dumbledore's advice and elopes with Ron. Next thing you know and she has 12 children and is living in the middle of the Arabian Desert / Antarctica / Botswana / Uruguay.


End file.
